ave you ever wondered why it is that you are more likely to go to a restaurant that has respectful staff that make you feel welcome, as opposed to other places where staff may treat you like you are just another customer?
Did you ever notice how many people will most likely choose the group’s decision over their own?
Everything mentioned above is part of a web of inconsistencies that will probably never be thoroughly explained; but are still widely noticeable again and again.
I’ve included some tidbits that will educate you a little bit on human psychology and give you some ideas for how to behave in more socially acceptable ways. Each of these that I share will give you an edge on building a solid social life.
There was also an experiment done where a man sent 600 Christmas cards to 600 different strangers. He ended up getting 200 Christmas cards in return.
Experiments like these give us wonderful insights about how to work with people. Below are a couple of those insights…
Most people feel entitled to get something from the start.
Everyone wants to feel important.
Being nice and polite always sets a better impression than any other form of behavior. When we are treated fairly and with respect we will favor a person more. When we are agressive, negative, rude or forceful, then people are less likely to vote on our behalf.
However, it’s important to be able to spot the ‘happy-medium’ that does not send the message that you are needy. There is a difference between having manners or class and being needy. If a person is too nice, then people in your social circle will simply see you as a push-over; we want to refrain from this, because it will lower your level of influence. So to keep from doing so, remember not to over extend a helping hand, simply give a person the respect you’d expect in exchange and without allowing anyone in the group to take advantage.
There was a study done where a non-profit was seeking volunteers for an event. The first experiment involved calling up around 100 people to gather volunteers on a whim. Only 4 agreed and followed through.
Another experiment took place where the non-profit contacted 100 people and asked them if they did happen to have an event in the future, then how many might come. 31 agreed that they might come “in the future”.
One of the best ways to connect with women more profoundly is by suggesting ideas that will include them in the future. You can do this by implementing expectations that may take place later.
Let’s say you meet a girl that is cool enough to socialize with you. If you want to see her later then ask her a question like: “Do you have any plans later?” or “Do you want to know where the best pizza is in the area?” Let’s assume she agrees, if she does then she will most likely be interested in going there after or another time with you – given you don’t screw up the vibe by overcompensating or try to act too cool, etc.
Another good way to get even further with her is by building sexual tension early on with her. You can do this by getting close to her face when talking; like an inch away. You can also make strong eye contact with her when talking or just flat-out tell her that you think she is sexy. Don’t dwell on the statement though, just go about the interaction like nothing happened. The fact that you aren’t acting hungry after mentioning this will get her thinking more about you; as a result you raise your value.
Let’s say you want her to respond more to your messages via text… what should you do?
You can raise your chances of getting a response by mentioning something you’ve talked about before; when you initially met. For example if you were laughing or talking about a funny movie. I would mention something like, “Hey (Insert name here), I am free Wednesday, it’s nice to meet someone that has good taste in film. Let me know if you’d like to do something.”
One of the first things you’ll learn in sales is that when you ask someone to do a small favor, they are much more likely to do a bigger favor in the not-too-distant future.
In the 60’s a man named Scott Fraser studied the foot in the door technique. What happened is Scott’s team phoned a list of people that regularly do house maintenance and asked what supplies they prefer. Next, They call a few days following and asking to send a group of workers to come look at their projects. Those that responded were 150% more likely to agree with the proposal.
So in short, if you want someone to participate in something you are doing, you should start out with minor favors or questions they can relate to and build up. You’ll be surprised what all this little concept can apply to. I listed some examples below…
A – Building a network
Let’s say you have some contacts that know important people that can help you benefit in one way or another. One way is to ask them to introduce you when you find out who they know. Be subtle: Ask them to introduce you to many other’s the same way, but to others without any significance. This will make it appear as though you ask this question as though it’s your own way of being friendly and without any ulterior motives.
You can use the foot-in-the-door strategy to get that person comfortable doing favors for you as well. Nevertheless, be careful not to come across like you don’t give back in return; people are less inclined to continue helping you if you take more than you give. Remember to give as much as you take and always keep your conversation and behavior as positive as you can.
B – Female Interaction
You can even use the Foot-in-the-door technique with women. Just start small and build up – get her comfortable with your touch (Hand-holding, hugging, being close, etc.), then move in for the kiss when she’s alright with that. Regardless of if you are talking about your deepest, darkest secrets or getting initmate – you need to start little-by-little and build up.
There was research done on two different parties of people at one point. These 2 parties chose 2 different treatments for people that were infected with a disease that could potentially kill its victims.
For the first group the participants had to pick one of two treatments for the diseased victims. The first treatment was supposed to save 200 people. The second treatment had a 33% chance of saving 600 people, but a 67% chance of not saving anyone at all. Obviously the majority of the participants picked the first treatment.
For the second group there were two more treatment options. The first treatment guaranteed 400 people would die. The second treatment had a 33% chance that no one would die but a 67% chance that 600 would die. Naturally the group chose the second treatment.
It doesn’t matter who you interact with, if you know how to frame something in an attractive manner, then you can make a poison seem like an antidote.
So to make a long story short, be sure to downplay your negatives in conversation as much as you can. Remember to highlight the positives and focus mainly on those distinct positives. In otherwords, be clear on your delivery when bringing up the positives to your argument and try to avoid focusing on the negatives; if you can don’t even bring them up.
This study showed that one’s fear of loss has a stronger impact on them than the potential for gain. This can be applied to many areas of life; like relationships. Once someone has your respect, then they are more inclined to work on keeping it; as opposed to investing in someone else who couldn’t care less about them from the beginning.
An example of how someone can use this would look like…
“You’re going to miss a great experience if you don’t join where we are going next. You should go with us, it’s going to be a lot of fun.”
Our natural instincts want us to do what it takes to survive, which is fitting in with the pack, and over thousands of years those instincts have allowed our species to become dominant. Being capable of distinguishing the advantages of this finding can benefit very much in the art of persuasion. What I’ve come to realize is that we can take advantage of this with our own circle of friends; choose people that you know well and have a lot in common with. You can persuade others by bringing these supportive friends around and displaying that support in front of others.
When you have people that respect you and who support you around when you are in a group setting, then it can raise your value in the eyes of other people. Next time you are out with friends, I suggest talking about this and how you all can benefit. Talk and think of things you all can say when interacting with other people that will make you all look good in front of other people.
– A person seems to be gifted or seems to have more value based on a set of skills or some trait that makes them admirable.
– A person is in need of a skill that we ourselves might possess.
– We’ll also agree with someone or go along with their answer if the answer is complex and we don’t feel the need to spend energy answering it.
Asking a leading questions can also be a good way to encourage a desired answer. An example of a leading question could be something like…
“Do you have a problem with our boss?”
Most people will not be willing to admit this, in fear of losing their job – especially if the question is being asked by a co-worker obviously.
Never be reluctant to challenge opinions. This is a great way to converse with more meaning and also raise your value in the eyes of others that are watching.
Most people aren’t bold enough to challenge others for the fear of keeping them from liking them. Thinking in this politically correct manner will hold you back from raising the respect you could be getting from others in your social circle. A minor challenge of opinions will show to others that you have leadership qualities and make you more interesting compared to those that choose to be controlled by fear of not being accepted – hence conformity.
A researcher named Robert Zajonc conducted an experiment where he introduced Chinese writing to those that participated. Each person saw the character one to twenty five times, following this he asked them to tell him what they thought the writing meant. The higher number of times each person saw the writing, the more they began to address the more favorable qualities.
Over the the years I’ve known couples that had gotten off on the wrong foot in the past, yet as they were forced to see one another from day-to-day, they quickly became more and more fond of each other. Most people, including women, will form stronger bonds to people the more they get to know them; even if they didn’t like each other in the beginning.
I remember a lot of relationships I saw with kids in school that started out horrible, but then over-time the same people remarkably would begin to date and become infatuated with each other – that right there is the essence of the exposure principle.
So never beat yourself up over not making the perfect first impression, you can always change things over time. Just show people who you are and eventually they will begin to accept your own unique qualities. As you portray who you are, without pretending to be someone else, then others will begin to appreciate you just for that.
There was a study done with pregnant women that showed that 91 percent of women that came from an socially unsupported background would have complications with their pregnancy. On the other side of the spectrum, only 33 percent of women that had a lot of support ended up suffering from complications. Not only will support from your friends allow one to have a stronger amount of influence on others, but it will also allow one to feel a higher degree of confidence – which will lead to more success not just with people, but when facing new challenges as well.
I think this effect is similar to how mobsters gain power and influence. The more members and stronger the members, then the more intimidating and powerful the people in the group appear. Of course the added bonus of confidence resonates in those that are in the spotlight as well.
A good tip for building better bonds with people in your social circle, is showing support to people you want to like you more. This will also build more trust and you’ll gain more respect from these people in the future. When done right you’ll have a strong support group that will allow you to influence those around you – which means you’ll get women easier and also make new connections or friends along the way.
This information is amazing to have if you want to meet more beautiful women or expand your social circle. Human behavior is not as complex after experimenting with it enough. We all have similar needs and desires.
With factual evidence one can see the world for how it really is. Getting familiar with how to behave in an attractive manner can be extremely advantageous when it comes to building an exceptional social life.
To leave off, here is another good book for everyone; some useful information in here. This book is called…
“The Pick Up Artist: The new and improved art of seduction” by Erik Von Markovik A.K.A PUA Mystery.
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